09 Sep

A lullaby for my infant son

There are reasons that my literary output has been down lately; it’s because I’ve been focusing my creative powers in the biological realm. There is some possibility of crossover, however, as my new little muse has inspired this lullaby for the time of day which the Spanish refer to as la madrugada.

Babies aren’t cute at 2 in the morning.
This isn’t a song; this is a warning.
Close your stupid little eyes,
Stop your stupid little cries,
Pay attention, my sweet small fry
While Mama sings a lullaby.

Babies aren’t cute at 3 in the morning.
This isn’t a song; this is a warning.
Though your cries may conflict me
No judge or jury would convict me
If I left you in the park
For the hyenas in the dark.

Babies aren’t cute at 4 in the morning.
This isn’t a song; this is a warning.
The hyenas will hear you wail.
The hyenas will find you without fail.
They’ll sit and laugh at you,
Because hyenas are stupid, too.

Babies aren’t cute at 5 in the morning.
This isn’t a song; this is a warning.
Close your stupid little eyes,
Stop your stupid little cries,
Pay attention, my sweet small fry
While Mama sings a lullaby.


Perhaps there will be more lullabies in the future – I understand there will be more sleep regressions and fussy periods. If I can’t think of another lullaby I can always sing the one my mother says she sang to me: The Hostile Baby Rocking Song by Rosalie Sorrels. I suppose every parent must develop their own midnight lullaby variants.

04 Dec

Twice Sorry – A Russian Conspiracy Theory on the Alaska Purchase

Studying in Russia in 2003, I asked many Russians their thoughts on Alaska. One story I heard was that they never received any money for selling off the colony! I hadn’t heard that in my stateside history lessons, so I looked into it. Spoiler alert: I think it’s just a Russian conspiracy theory, but it did get me into some interesting history.

First, the American payment

America did pay out. We can all see a copy of the canceled check scanned from the Library of Congress.


$7.2 million, reportedly cashed out as gold bullion by Riggs National Bank in Washington, D.C. The $.2 m was for Eduard de Stoeckl, the Russian agent who had brokered the deal, and I imagine a good deal of that was used for palm-greasing. This is the same time period as Mark Twain writes about in The Gilded Age, after all.

It works out to $0.02 per acre, which is the factoid about the Alaska Purchase you may have retained from grade school. And as far as most English-language accounts of the sale go, that’s the end of it.

The Russian Conspiracy Theory

But let me translate the rest of the story, as circulated on the Russian internet:

In early July of 1868 the gold was loaded onto a ship named Orkney. On July 16, 1868, the Orkney sank before it could reach Saint Petersburg. The insurance company backing it went bankrupt.

No one knew what had happened until nearly a decade later, when a terrible tragedy occurred in Germany. On December 11, 1875, there was an explosion on the steamship called Mosel, preparing to depart from Bremen/Bremerhaven. Over a hundred people were killed and more injured. One of the injured? A US citizen named William Thomson, whose package had caused the explosion. He tried to shoot himself, but managed to linger for six days, during which he revealed the fate of the Orkney and other lost ships.

Thomson had been a Confederate saboteur during the Civil War and later gone to England. The British refused his services–but while in jail for drunken brawling, he met a man who, upon hearing of his profession, offered him a profitable job. Upon release he went to the port, got a job as a stevedore, and left a time bomb on board the Orkney. For this he was paid 1,000 pounds, roughly $350,000 today — an unheard of sum of money. When the money ran out, he pulled the same job once a year, getting insurance money for lost cargo. With the Mosel, his clock mechanism failed and went off early, putting an end to his criminal activity.

As a post-script, in 1975 a Soviet-Finnish searched for and found the remains of the Orkney, confirming that it had sunk after an explosion and fire. But! No gold was found.

That version comes to you from a content farmer on a website as dubious as the story.

But is it true?

Let’s dig in, though, because certain parts of the story are correct: William Thompson made a bomb that went off during the loading of the Mosel in Bremen. As he’d labeled the barrel containing it “CAVIAR”, the stevedores didn’t realize anything catastrophic would happen if it was dropped. William Thompson was one of several aliases used by Alexander Keith, a Scottish born Canadian who had worked with Confederates on sabotage  and blockade running and lived in the United States before decamping to Germany. His bomb on the Mosel was part of plan to collect insurance money on his cargo (the “caviar”) when the ship didn’t complete the second leg of its journey (he would have debarked in Southampton, while the Mosel continued to America).

Here’s what doesn’t add up:
In this version, the Orkney sinks in mid-July, 1868. The canceled check from the US Treasury clearly shows a date of August 1, 1868. (Other variations I’ve seen do correct the sinking to 1869.)

Involvement of the Dynamite Fiend

Alexander Keith, alias William King Thomas, alias George S. Thomas, alias Mr. Garcie

Alexander Keith, alias Alexander King Thompson, alias William King Thomas, alias George S. Thomas, alias Mr. Garcie, etc. etc.

Sources on Alexander Keith (he gets his own Murderpedia page…) don’t mention the Orkney as a sunk ship he might have been responsible, though he has been suggested as responsible for  the sinking of at least two other ships: the SS City Of Boston in January 1875 and the schooner Marie Victoria in 1864. But his connection to the Marie Victoria is doubtful and contemporary government reports (his crime inspired new legislation on both sides of the Atlantic) give the Mosel as his only confirmed maritime bombing.

There’s an 1895 report on to the United States Secretary of the Treasury on high & low explosives, which is nowhere near as thorough as the one given to the British Parliament by Her Majesty’s Inspector of Explosives, V.D. Majendie, Major R.A., directly after the Mosel bomb. In Majendie’s report, Keith’s deathbed confession is that he has a device on another ship, the Salier, which hadn’t yet left port — but when the Salier was searched, no bomb was found.  Major Majendie also goes into some detail on the process which Keith went through to get his timebomb mechanism built, as does an article in the Australian Town & Country Journal, March 26, 1876. These details rather make me doubt that Keith/Thomas had been sending out timebombs for the last decade — wouldn’t he have had a system down? Instead, he’s running all over Germany, talking to different clockmakers and giving them conflicting stories about what he needs the specialized mechanism for.

It needs to run for 10 days and then strike once, which the force or a 30 pound hammer. That’s, umm, for cutting silk threads in a factory. No, it’s a kind of a timer for the workmen in a factory… Look, can you just build the thing and not ask so many questions?


The Dynamite Fiend by Ann Larabee

Plus, I grabbed a copy of Keith’s biography from the library. And while some of the reviews have quibbled with the author’s narrative excesses, she does give him a direct route from America to Germany — with $45,000 in his pocket — in 1866 as he flees from the various people in North America he’s bilked out of large sums of money. In 1868 he’s still in Germany, living the high life in Dresden and presumably on hand for the birth of his wife’s first two children, born 1868 and 1869. There are no side stories about Keith being picked up for drunken brawling in England. Plus, while he doesn’t seem like the sort of guy to pass up £1,000 (between $8,000 and $9,000 at the time), he also does not look like the sort who would pass for a stevedore. His schemes are all about pretending to be an upperclass business partner.


Here’s the relevant passage on page 102 of The Dynamite Fiend. Judge for yourself.



The mysterious ship Orkney

And there’s the part where I can’t find any mention whatsoever of a ship called the Orkney going missing in 1868. The Lloyd’s Register of Shipping does have an Orkney Lass in the 1868-69 register, but as far as I can decipher, she’s on a route to South America, not Saint Petersburg. That’s how she’s listed in the 1866-67 register — and the 1870-71 register, too. That’s a 318 ton ship listed with Lloyd’s — there’s also a 66 ton smack of the same name in England, which is around in 1885 to help another smack in distress, and a 267 ton lumber schooner on the Great Lakes between 1874 and 1891.

I do have a vague memory of looking for information on this theory in the past and coming across a mention of a pocket watch found off the coast of Sweden that was linked to the lost Orkney — but I can’t find it now.


Finally, an an answer from an academic

In the 2002 edition of the journal Amerikanskii Ezhegodnik (American Yearbook), we have an article by A. Yu. Petrov titled “Money received after Alaska Purchase were spent on the Rail Road Construction in Russia.” Petrov went to the State Historical Archives and found a document on how the monies were spent. Specifically, it was spent abroad on supplies to build the Kursk-Kiev, Ryazan, Kozlovsky, Moscow-Ryazan and other railway lines.

Okay, yes — that does mean the cold hard cash never made it to Saint Petersburg. But only because international economics didn’t actually involve shipping massive amounts of gold around the world in 1868 any more than it does today. I know the Spanish Empire did it in the 16th century, but by the 19th century we have the telegraph and the ability to wire money.  Sorry, conspiracy theorists – no mysterious sabotaged ships, just international finance and economic development. The only remaining mystery is whether the Russians got any accrued interest from the United States after the year delay in payment — and I’m going to guess “no” on that one.


11 Feb

The Legend of Sarila – Inuit inspired kid’s film

sarila-posterRecently I found a kid’s film called “The Legend of Sarila,” which takes its inspiration from the Canadian arctic.

The story arc is straight up hero’s journey: leave home, pass trials, gain knowledge, mysterious helper, return home with rewards and establish new order. That’s fine. There are some reasonable portrayals of the Arctic landscape: caribou, seals, lichen, wide open tundra landscape. There are several scenes where I thought they really got the lighting right. There’s a wonderful warm glow that happens when the sun is low to the horizon in the north. It’s the golden hour for photographers around the globe, but at the higher latitudes it lasts a long while and you can enjoy it.

The destination for the little protagonist group (three friends, aka a love triangle) is Sarila, a mythical land of plenty. When they arrive, it is a beautiful, bountiful boreal forest: trees and berries and tasty tasty herbivores. Since that’s the biome that I grew up in, I was greatly amused and probably more positively disposed toward the film that I might have been otherwise.


Of course, it’s far from perfect. The carryover of actual cultural detail may be a bit thin, as this Animation Scoop review points out.

Given the beauty of the Inuit carvings of humans and animals, Legend of Sarila should be a visual feast. But the viewer looks in vain for that influence on the designs, aside from the occasional angle of a cheekbone. The animation is weightless and inexpressive, indistinguishable from countless other recent CG features.

The Legend of Sarila is apparently Canada’s first 3D animation. I’m agnostic on animation styles in this case, but I’ll throw in with the Animation Scoop reviewer and wish that there was a bit more artistic influence on the character design. I’ve recently been reading about Arctic facial tattoos (another blogpost soon!), but Sedna’s the only one who gets any. I’m glad they included those, but the portrayal of Sedna with fingers was the first wrinkle for me. Sedna is one of the legends that was part of my own childhood, so I take this a bit personally. The whole point of her story is that she doesn’t have fingers! Briefly, Sedna accidentally marries a bird. When she tries to return home, her husband calls up a storm and she falls out of the boat. Rather than helping her back in, her father, who doesn’t score a lot of points for contemporary supportive parenting, cuts off her fingers as she clings to the gunnels. The finger bits become sea mammals; Sedna becomes a fingerless undersea goddess who controls the marine food supply.

The Legend of Sarila - Sedna and Markussi

Even with these caveats, I’d say give it a watch if you have any interest in the arctic. It’s not long, and if you’re looking to expose your kids to a different biome — or, for those of already in the north — watch a story set somewhere familiar, it’s worth the time. Particularly if, like me, you’re looking for a distraction while working on a craft project. (Apparently quilting involves a lot of fabric cutting before any actual sewing happens. Who knew?)

As a postscript, I looked up the film online when I started writing up my reactions and discovered the biggest mistake that the film’s producers made: trying to market it in the US as “Frozen Land.” That lasted for about six seconds before Disney’s lawyers shut it down.

09 Jan

2014 Reading List

As I look back over my 2014 reading list — and my 2013 reading list for comparison — I’m feeling pretty good. I finished thirty-odd fiction books, plus eight non-fiction books and the usual assortment of half-read but not quite finished books. I read Part one of Don Quixote, for instance, while we were travelling in Spain, but it’s going to be a while before I make it through the second part…

My top three books from 2014 have all gained their place on my physical bookshelves; here they are.

deathlessDeathless – Catherynne M. Valente – Write the story you want to read, they say, but how did I know that I wanted to read a reweaving of Russian folklore into St. Petersburg-Petrograd-Leningrad until a friend lent me this? I’m incredibly jealous of Cat Valente for writing this before I could think of it, and overwhelmingly grateful that she wrote it so beautifully. My taller half twits me for reading YA fantasy sometimes; Deathless has all the things I enjoy about YA fantasy, yet is totally and refreshingly adult. It reminded me that YA fairy tale adaptations are for teenagers and there’s a lot of breadth and depth to life after you hit 20. Or 30. And being 30 is way better than being 14. And Cat Valente’s book is way better than any YA fairy tale adaptation I can think of. It was also a perfect follow up to rereading Master and Margarita at Christmas and one of the most perfect for my interests books ever. Of course, not everyone has the interest in folktales and the the Russian revolution(s) that I do, but–this is a good book! A very good book!


tiger-wife The Tiger’s Wife – Tea Obreht – A mixture of medical science and magical realism in the former Yugoslavia. Also an escaped tiger and so many lovely details! A few years ago, the taller half and I went through pretty much everything that Louis de Bernières ever wrote. The Tiger’s Wife reminded me of some of his work, in both geography and the multigenerational intertwining of multiple stories to give you a sense of a whole country.  I’m disappointed to note that, although it’s been a few year’s since this book came out, Obreht seems to have no online presence and there’s no sign of any future writings.


cloud-atlas Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell – A story in a story in a story in a story in a long chain of butterfly wing choas that resolves into an imaginative picture of past, present, and possible future. There are plenty of places you’ve probably already heard of this book and it’s subject matter, so I’ll just say that I’m in the appreciative camp on David Mitchell.




And now the rest of the fiction, in rough chronological order…

Lies of Lock Lamora  – Scott Lynch This story is described as “one part “Robin Hood”, one part Ocean’s Eleven.” I’d say more Ocean’s Eleven than Robin Hood, and there are two or three massive Ocean’s Eleven style schemes that get mixed up into each other. If this were television, it would have a warning at the beginning for language and violence – lots of blood, and both four letter and SAT words.
Two Serpents Rise  – Max Gladstone A follow-up to Three Parts Dead, which I enjoyed, Gladstone revisits the same world in a new city with new characters and a new story which I think was even better than the first book. Reviewed at length here.
Travel Light – Naomi Mitchison  At first I thought this would be like Patricia Wrede’s Dealing With Dragons but then it was entirely its own delightful thing.
The Encylopaedia of Early Earth – Isabel Greenberg I wanted to like this, but meh.
The Hunters – Claire Messud A quick read for my book read. Interesting from a technical perspective because (mild spoiler) the first person narrative never specifies the gender of the protagonist.
The Sekhmet Bed – L.M. Ironside Very well-written and (to my eye) researched historical novel of Egypt. But I never understood why the protagonist had no relationship with the previous generation…
The Goldfinch – Donna Tartt  I got impatient with the length of this book. I liked the way the plot tied up, but by the time I got through the philosophical ending, I was annoyed.
Kabu Kabu – Nnedi Okorafor Short stories, magical realism, fantasy, & scifi. Recommended for all readers of speculative fiction.
The Maltese Falcon – Dashiell Hammett A modern writing workshop would tear Hammett’s writing to shreds; the first pages are all physical descriptions of the characters. But the plotting and the one-liners are something else. Sam Spade is one of the original honey badgers.
The Girl Who Would Be King – Kelly Thompson Despite the veneer of action, this was really all about the psychological journey of the two main characters, and all the secondary aspects of the book had a Potemkin village feel. The writing was very strong, with a narrative voice that tended to take over my own internal monologue for a while after I put it down.
My Antonia – Willa Cather I never imagined that a book about farm life in Nebraska would be fascinating, but this tale of immigrants making lives and agriculture out of the raw prairie is deservedly a classic.
The Lion’s Lady – Julie Garwood I found much of this book hilarious in ways the author may not have intended.
Frankenstein – Mary Shelly I actually started reading this ages ago, finally finished it. I can see why it is called the first scifi book — there’s a lot in it to make you think about the consequences of science.
Ravished by a Highlander – Paula Quinn I was curious about the Highlander subgenre of romance. There was a political thriller plot and entertaining secondary characters in addition to the sexy bits–perhaps not exactly a “ravishing” though.
Eloisa James romance binge – When Beauty Tamed the Beast, When the Duke Returns, Duchess By Night, Storming the Castle, An Affair Before Christmas, The Duke Is Mine, The Ugly Duchess – Exploring the romance genre, I found an author I really enjoy: James is a tenured English professor and the historical detail, along with sly references to academia, are really lovely.
Cress – Marissa Meyer I’m thinking that Scarlet was the best in this series so far, but I’m still looking forward to the afternoon pleasure of reading the remaining books.
The Tudor Secret – C.W. Gortner Mystery and family drama among the children of Henry the Eighth and other surviving Tudors. Good for intrigue though the romantic bits didn’t quite work for me.
Full Fathom Five – Max Gladstone Book #3 in the Craft Sequence takes us into something like Polynesia.
By the Sword – Mercedes Lackey A reread to see what it was that captivated me when I was in high school…
Shards of Honor – Lois McMaster Bujold Having heard much about this book, I gave it a try. I was not disappointed; it’s a classic for a reason.
Along Came A Duke – Elizabeth Boyle Still exploring romance offerings.
The Diamond Age: or, A Young Lady’s Illustrated Primer – Neal Stephenson Some of the sci-fi ideas are dated, some are still outlandish and intriguing. And for once I don’t have too much reason to gripe about Stephenson’s portrayal of female characters.
Tamora Pierce nostalgia binge – Song of the Lioness (Alanna: The First Adventure, In the Hand of the Goddess, The Woman Who Rides Like a Man, Lioness Rampant) & Daughter of the Lioness (Trickster’s Choice / Trickster’s Queen ) – Rereading Alanna’s books and adding on the duology about her daughter, plus earlier rereading of Mercedes Lackey and I begin to doubt the seeming whimsical serendipity of my start in martial arts training. Obviously I was dreaming about being a woman warrior a long time ago…
Century Rain – Alastair Reynolds A little hard-boiled detective in with your social scifi? Don’t mind if I do…



If this list gives you the impression that I have been very interested in the 1890s or thereabouts historically, you wouldn’t be wrong.

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex – Mary Roach  Fascinating topic, obviously, and great creative nonfiction from Roach, whose personality makes the awkward bits funny.
Mrs. Robinson’s Disgrace: The Private Diary of a Victorian Lady – Kate Summerscale Trials and tribulations caused by repression of sexuality in 19th century Britain, personal narrative used to illustrate wider social context in very informative manner. An interesting pairing with Bonk.
The Big Sea – Langston Hughes While Hughes relates the events in what seems to have been a very adventurous life, I agree with those who accuse him of hiding behind his words – none of his own personality or reaction come through. Still fascinated me, though.
A Homemade Life – Molly Wizenberg I read this book to prep for the Bushwick Book Club show around it. I’ll be honest, I may have skipped the recipes…
Island of Vice: Theodore Roosevelt’s Doomed Quest to Clean up Sin-loving New York – Richard Zacks Before he was the manliest president there ever was, TR was a politically doomed police commissioner in New York City.
American Rose: A Nation Laid Bare: The Life and Times of Gypsy Rose Lee – Karen Abbott A biography of a vaudeville star’s life, piecing together the facts of her lifestory from the less than factual way she herself would have told it…
Little Demon in the City of Light: A True Story of Murder and Mesmerism in Belle Epoque Paris – Steven Levingston If you commit a murder while hypnotized, is it you or the hypnotist who is responsible?
Not the Israel My Parents Promised Me – Harvey Pekar One man’s opinion of a situation beyond complicated gave me a better sense of the history of the conflict than I had before.

19 Nov

Barcelona’s Museums – So Much Culture!

My taller half and I are on a two week trip to Spain and while he is at a Very Important Conference I am getting cultured. Like a yogurt. A yogurt that is visiting many of Barcelona’s Museums.

My first stop was the Museu Maritim de Barcelona, which was a triple dose of history. First, it’s a museum. Second, the building complex in which it is located became a museum in 1941 but had previously been used as a shipyard since the 13th century. Finally, archeology on the site also indicates the presence of a Roman necropolis, because Europe.

eclvvAs an American, when faced with this sort of epochal historical context certain parts of my brain overload and I can only burble in internet memespeak.

But I kept going and looked at the pretty boats and great exhibits which were nicely labeled in Catalan, Castillian Spanish, and English.

I learned that Barcelona’s port contributes 24% of shipping through Spain, including  .8 million cars per year. When we passed through here on our 2011 bike tour we arrived on a boat which brought a large number of cars (and two bikes) from Italy and we wondered about it at the time. Now I know that the Barcelonans are aggressively expanding to be the European entry port for Asian goods (via Suez Canal).

Replica of the flagship in the European fleet that trounced the Turks in 1571

Replica of the flagship in the European fleet that trounced the Turks in 1571 in the Battle of Lepanto. That’s a very important battle in the history of Christianity, so look it up!

In addition to port industry and historical boats, they had exhibits on the history of underwater photography and on travel by boat. The travel section included an ~8 ft long drawing showing the cross section of a late 19th century passenger liner which I seriously coveted and unsuccessfully tried to get a panoramic photo of.  Alas! Instead, I give you this Zen koan from MMB: The port is the first and last thing seen by those traveling by sea.

An international variety of chocolate sculpture

An international variety of chocolate sculpture

From there I went to the Museu Xocolata, where your ticket is also a chocolate bar with a wrapper appropriate to your country of origin. The museum was notable mostly for the bizarre chocolate sculptures made with varying levels of artistry, presumably by students of the patisserie school in the same building, but I learned a few new facts: Chocolate (as a drink) apparently was acceptable nourishment for monks on fasting days and Catholic nuns in Mexico were the first to think of adding sugar to chocolate.

There was also the local aspect. Barcelona was a pretty big port of entry for goods from the New World, including chocolate, so it ended up with chocolate warehouses and factories, making it the site of the first mechanical production of chocolate in 1777.


Lips. Second from right, bottom row.

I stopped in at the municipal photo archive (upstairs from the chocolate museum) where there was a very small exhibit on early photography techniques which made a good companion to early underwater photo exhibit at MMB. I watched a video showing the whole process of making a daguerrotype and learned that when adding color to photos at the time, “lips” was one of the included hues.

The following day I went to the Monestir de Pedrables, which, like the shipyards of the MMB is so old I can barely fathom it. It was founded in 1326 by/for a Queen Elisenda, the fourth wife of King Jaume II. He died the next year and she, being only in her thirties, lived out the remaining 35 years of her life at the monastery. It continued as an active convent, save for a few brief war-induced interruptions, until the 1970s when the nuns moved to a new facility next door and the place became a public museum. The exhibits include, most impressively, the entire grounds, as well as the expected collection of religious art. Having visited a number of cathedrals on our last European sojourn, the notable thing about the Pedrables religious art is that they mixed and matched to make altar pieces with art by different artists and from different eras, including Catalan paintings next to Flemish visions of the various saints.

Where does sacramental wine come from? Question answered!

Where does sacramental wine come from? Question answered!

Generally, I  find that Catholic art leaves me with a lot of questions, like “what is an ostensory?” Or “How come this is the holy family of the fly?” Or “what’s the story behind a painting labeled ‘St. Ursula and the Eleven Thousand Virgins and a Donor’?” Sometimes I feel smart, though, when I see a lady carrying her boobs on a silver platter and I know she’s the patron saint of breast cancer.

Even when you’ve seen all many cathedrals that they all blend together, you still want to check out Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia, which was today’s cultural pilgrimage.

I found it amazing that something made of stone and glass (and light) can seem so soft. In the overhead words of a nearby Canadian tourist, “This is so inspiring, I would come here even if I was an atheist and enjoy it.” The basement has many many iterative models in plaster, both to show the evolution of the cathedral’s design, and to guide them as they work to complete it. Yes, they started in 1883 and, funded by the tickets of several million visitors each year they are hoping to finish in 2026, on the centenary anniversary of Gaudi’s death.  Seeing so many plaster casts made me wish that Gaudi were around today so he could have access to CAD & a 3D printer. It would be like Mozart in the mall with Bill & Ted.

29 May

Taking action for #YesAllWomen

autocompleteIf you haven’t read any of the #YesAllWomen responses to the most recent news of violence against women, you should.

That’s a serious recommendation for all genders, however you, or society, or biology, may have categorized you in terms of gender. If you fall on the feminine side of the line for any of those categorizations, the stories are probably not going to surprise you. It’s the sharing of them with the world that is surprising. Or maybe not even the sharing, but the part where maybe this time a few more people are hearing that #YesAllWomen encounter various levels of creepery all the time.

Even first world white women like me, living in the lovely idyllic bubble of a liberal West Coast city. I can eat my organic kale and still encounter dudes on the street who feel entitled to make extensive comments on my “sassy ass” when I’m walking by myself. Even when dressed professionally, on a sunny day at lunch time with other passersby around.

That’s just the most recent creep in my experience.

We can go back and mention the dude who was pretty sure I should get in his car for a ride instead of crossing at the intersection where I was waiting for traffic to clear. Or maybe the man who hit on me when I was 17 and flying across the country, alone and sleep-deprived in a busy airport.

And I’ve been lucky. Outside of my martial arts practice, no one has ever hit me. No one has touched me, licked me, assaulted me, raped me, shot me.

Which is great, because most guys probably aren’t threatening. But! #YesAllWomen have regular interactions with creeps. And #YesAllWomen worry about what might happen to them. After getting a ride home to my apartment after a first date, I found myself thinking how I should have had him drop me off on the corner, or in front of a different building, so this as yet unknown man wouldn’t know exactly where I lived. And that was the thought process after a great first date that developed into a successful relationship.

What are we going to do about this state of affairs, where #YesAllWomen feel threatened, even if #NotAllMen are threatening?

Crying on the couch doesn’t seem to do much—trust me, I tried that already. So I’m trying to think of some more reasonable actions to take, and to encourage others to take. Some of these you can check off quickly, some are things that may take years or generations of work. But let’s try, because that’s the only way things will move forward.

I’m going to skim over telling you to read what women are sharing with #YesAllWomen on Twitter or Facebook. I’m going to assume that you can click over to 50 Rape facts put together by HuffPo in 2012.  or the Rape and Sexual Assault Statistics from the Bureau of Justice Statistics without me repeating them. I’m going to hope that you are aware of the everyday ickiness that women face that isn’t rape, but is still rude, demeaning, triggering to survivors of assault, and symptomatic of cultural norms which encourage the view of women as objects existing for fulfillment of male sexual pleasure and power. See also: Mr. Sassy Ass and other cat-callers, workplace harassment, rape jokes, lewd stares on the bus, the guy at the club who comes up behind you and starts grinding on your backside, the dude on the street who just wants you to “smile! You look so pretty when smile!”.

How can we build on the #YesAllWomen awareness to combat the everyday casual creeping?

  1. Realize that if #YesAllWomen run into creepers on a regular basis, then #YesAllMen do too! Even “nice guys” who fall under #NotAllMen and #MaleAllies know creepers.
  2. Practice spotting the creepers around you. Men: They’re the ones sidling up to a woman at the company party and putting their arm around her as she cringes and looks for a female friend who can see instantly that she’s in trouble. Women: I think you’ve probably got this one down, but if not—listen to your gut instincts. If somebody seems creepy, then they are creepy. You don’t have to justify it to them, or to anyone else.
  3. Once you’ve noticed a creeper, take Chris Breechen as a role model and change the creepy guy narrative.  Send the social signals that say “dude! What you are doing is not cool.” Stare and frown disapprovingly at casual creepers. Call 911 for serious assaults. Say something. Do something. Don’t be a neutral ally; send over some support troops.
  4. Send anti-creep social signals even when no creeps are present or active. This is how we spread the word that we as a society think that all the activities on the spectrum from casual creeping to sexual assault are not cool. Start a conversation with someone: “Hey, have you seen that #YesAllWomen thing on social media? Seems like an important issue that I want to see change.” That’s what I’m hoping to do with this blog post.
  5. Parents: Talk to your kids. If they’re old enough, share the #YesAllWomen conversations with them. Get some suggestions from “Son, It’s okay if you don’t get laid tonight”. Consider that there are ways to talk to young kids about sex, and to help them learn from the beginning that it is about love and pleasure, not about power.
  6. Women take self-defense classes to learn how to protect themselves against men. But that’s a tactic to treat the symptoms rather than disease. I’m not sure where I can personally go on the action with this, but dudes? Don’t be creepy! Don’t rape! If you have any confusion about this, here are tips on how not to be a rapist and surefire ways to prevent sexual assault. Plus, I found out that the folks at SAVE Edmonton did a great campaign around “Don’t be THAT guy”. I hope there will be more such campaigns. I will keep training in martial arts, where I’ve begun to help teach self defense skills to other women, but the day when I start seeing “self-control” classes for men will be a pretty nice day, second only to the day when such classes become unnecessary for our society.